There are so many people who had empty chairs yesterday.
Life is precious,
May peace be inside all of us,
Cindy
I see ghosts these days of little boys who loved to eat, jump and be mischievous. I never berated them, my two stepsons. Some have said I was too permissive. Their Dad was the one who scolded. I'm sure he and his brother were scolded that way when he was raised by only his Mother. I, as stepma, had to create my own role in these two children's lives. I enjoyed their antics. They both were so athletic and intelligent and comical. I would sit and watch them silently, only yelling if they were about to do something dangerous (jumping from trees or out of windows come to mind).
Both kids loved to eat! Alex could be counted on to eat anything and everything placed on a plate. Brian was pickier. He didn't eat salad until he was 15 (sure when he was little, an occasional veggie would pass his lips). Yet, both boys and father agreed on Thanksgiving. They enjoyed my cooking up the turkey, stuffing, the green beans with onion, corn bread, fresh rolls, pumpkin pie, apple pie, banana cream pie, etc.
When Brian turned 12 and Alex was 15, Carlos and I had moved to a new home. We didn't have much furniture. So we had that Thanksgiving sitting Japanese style on cushions on the floor with a large coffee table where all the food was served. I have a picture of that day and remember every moment as precious: the cooking, the laughing, the talking, the eating. I looked at Brian at one point and noticed he was drowsy. I leaned over to Alex and said "Look, he's gonna need a nap." Alex responded, "Nah, turkey doesn't do that to him." I smiled at Alex and just waited. Not even ten minutes later, Brian was asleep in his bunk bed. He slept a few hours. I remember Alex being sssooooooo surprised that I had known that would happen with Brian. I know I did not birth those two young males, but I could and can read them both like a book. Maybe that comes from having a uterus or ESP or simply out of the pure form of love I have had for Alex and Brian.
Alex returned stateside from Iraq for Thanksgiving of 2003. He didn't make it back to Boston for turkey. However, I decided to take in co-workers whose families were in other parts of the country, some local friends and prepare a nice meal for all of us. Brian, Carlos, Carlos' Mom and our dogs, of course, were there as well. Just as we were about to sit down, the phone rang. We all rushed for it but, I got it! It was Alex calling to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving! For me, it was a blessing! He had come home alive! That, Brian, my family and my friends made that a truly wonderful day! Also, after the meal we had some wine and all learned how to play Texas Hold Em poker. Even Brian learned and won quite a few hands.
Alex was killed in August of 2004. For Thanksgiving that year, Carlos and I served turkey to homeless vets and the local veterans shelter. Several were from Iraq. Brian had not communicated with his Dad or me since the day Alex was laid to rest on September 3rd and was with his Mom in Maine. In 2005, Carlos and I were in Florida handling hurricane and tenant damage that had occurred that October on the home we so hoped to keep to return to one day. A friend invited us out to a restaurant. We went. Brian did call us that day which was the high point.
This year, Carlos and I will go to a friend's house who is a member of the Massachusetts chapter of Military Families Speak Out. Sarah and Bob Fuhro have been very supportive of Carlos and my activism. They've watched our dogs for us when we have traveled and that has meant a lot. About 30 people are expected. Sarah and Bob's son has returned from Iraq. He will be there tomorrow. I know I will greet him with love and hugs and tears in my eyes.
I will bring a picture of Alex, my favorite of him smiling ear to ear. I will look for a chair near the food and place the chair there. I will then go about my day with new friends, Carlos and, hopefully, Brian. I know I will look at Alex's picture feeling the comfort of remembering the memories I have written of here. I will wish that I could get one of his bear hugs so wonderful where he would lift me right up off the ground. I will enjoy my meal remembering how much he wanted us all to have the best that life could give us. I will thank God that I continue to have Alex as my stepson in my heart and Carlos and Brian here at my side.
Melida Arredondo is the stepmother of Lance Cpl. Alexander S. Arredondo, killed in Iraq, Aug. 25, 2004.
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