Shortly after Carlos set fire to the van that brought the news of Alex death I was sent an email forwarded from a friend. It was about Carlos and what to do if anyone wanted to help with his medical bills. At that time Carlos and Melida had moved back to Boston. I wanted to help them but didn't know how. This email came...I could now help this family who I lost contact with. The person who wrote the email was named Cindy.
I wrote to her thanking her for writing the email. She wrote back and told me her son Casey was killed in Iraq too. Then she told me the date.... 04/04/04 I thought it unreal that he could have died on that date. I thought it to be a special date, of someone who was very special was taken from us on that day. I didn't know at the time how special Casey was. I didn't know how his death would effect so many of us. I only knew how devasated his mother was. No words could help her pain.
Her pain grew, festered. Her pain turned into action...her actions brought reactions, most good, some bad. Casey's death will bring us closer to being better humans. I truly believe as devastating as it is not having Casey in our lives, in his death will come much greatness. Casey in his death is making it a much better place for all of us to live, through his mom.
I never knew Casey or Alex. I know their parents. I wish I would have known these brave young heros who would give their lives up for mine. I wish more than anything Carlos and Cindy could hug their kids again. I wish there wasn't so much death being done in my name. With each death in Iraq a little more of my soul dies. And yet there are so many who don't pay attention what is happening. I asked someone who crossed my path today if she knew of Cindy Sheehan and that today is the day Casey died...she knew nothing about it but she does now.
RIP CASEY! Your family misses you so very much. You are missed by so many. Even those who didn't know you in person.....
May peace be inside all of us,
Cindy
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
'Three Years Ago Today' ...by Cindy Sheehan
Three years ago today I was a "normal" American mother with four children, a marriage of almost 27 years and a boring 8 to 5 job. On April 3, 2004, I went to a nearby mall and bought a new outfit for work and two CDs: Evanescence and White Stripes. I was dreadfully worried about Casey, but I didn't know that my world was about to be turned upside down.
Three years ago today, my oldest son was deployed to a war zone in a conflict that never should have happened and because of the illegal invasion and immoral occupation, was soon to be killed. My oldest daughter, Carly, was excited about transferring to university soon; my 2nd son, Andy, was doing well as a surveyor's apprentice; and my youngest daughter, Janey, was on spring break in her senior year of high school.
Three years ago today, if I thought about my marriage at all, being so distracted by my worry for Casey, I would have imagined Pat and I growing old(er) together with a passel of grandchildren we could spoil surrounding us. I always dreamed of 2 daughters-in-law and 2 sons-in-law to increase our happy family. Unfortunately, our marriage was a victim of King George's war of terror. I never understood why marriages break up after the death of a child, until I experienced it. After surviving so many other stressors, Casey's death was the proverbial straw that broke our marriage's back.
Three years ago today, the light green spring suit that I bought for work became the suit I wore on the sunny-surreal day that we buried Casey. The men looked so handsome in their new dark suits and the girls also looked beautiful in their new outfits which part of the "death benefit" purchased. Casey looked so peaceful in his dress greens; lying in his coffin like he was asleep. He was asleep---asleep forever at the age of 24 before he could marry that daughter-in-law for us or have those grandchildren. Asleep forever before he could finish college and become an elementary school teacher. Asleep forever before he could become a permanent Deacon in the Catholic Church. Unnaturally asleep forever before three of his grandparents and his mother and father.
Three years ago today, I disagreed with the occupation of Iraq and with King George, but I never raised my voice; wrote a letter; or marched in protest. I didn't believe that my voice could have one slight bit of effect on the discourse in this country. After all, King George had called millions of people around the world who marched in protest of the impending invasion, a focus group. What would he call one more voice? A flea? I bought into the propaganda that one person can't make a difference and spent my entire adult life protecting my own family and circling the wagons around my own children and our comfort. Three years ago today, I didn't know that my tunnel vision was going to cost Casey his life and my family our comfort and would end up tearing us apart.
Three years ago today, I didn't know that the term "broken heart" wasn't figurative, but literal. I didn't know that the pain of child-birth was a cakewalk compared to the pain of child-death. I didn't know that a person could scream so long and so loud without having a heart attack or stroke. I didn't know that a person could even survive such psychic shock. I didn't know that a person could actually become a stronger person after such a debilitating pain; a pain that just becomes a constant dull agonizing ache.
Three years ago today, Casey was alive and didn't know that it was his last day on this earth. Casey and seven of his buddies, including Mike Mitchell whose family has become intertwined with ours in grief and resolve to end this devastating war, were unaware that Bloody King George had numbered their days and their numbers were soon to be up.
To me, three years ago today is a lifetime away, but yet seems so close. To me, the world was a vastly different place three years ago today. Today is another beautiful Northern California day. Sun shining, birds singing, neighbors living their lives not even aware that the paradigm shifted for the Sheehans on April 04, 2004. But today, the air is less sweet and even though the birds still sing as though Casey were alive, their songs don't sound the same to me.
How many families in Iraq and America will be affected by George's war of terror today or tomorrow? How many are in a state of shock, disbelief and pain today because of yesterday? How long are we the people going to allow Congress and King George off the hook for this unremitting and unrelenting pain and destruction?
Today, tomorrow, yesterday, and forever, I will miss and mourn Casey.
My son, my friend, and my hero.
Cindy Sheehan is the mother of Spc. Casey Sheehan who was killed in Bush's war of terror on 04/04/04.
She is the co-founder and president of Gold Star Families for Peace and The Camp Casey Peace Institute.
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